Spirit Of Christmas
by nebula2
Summary: Following Ragnarok, Loki sets out on a journey of self-discovery by returning to New York City. Will the God of Mischief find more than just the answer to who he truly is? Will he finally become a person worthy of his adoptive family, even in his own eyes.
1. Striking Out Alone

_**AN: So in the past years my Christmas story has been in the Criminal Minds fandom. This year, I'm writing it for this fandom. While listening to the song "The Christmas Shoes" I got this idea for a Loki centered story (yeah, I wouldn't try to figure out my muse if I were you) so I've decided to pursue it. I can't promise the story will be done by Christmas, but there will be several more updates before then, I promise.**_

 **Disclaimer: As the story is set post Thor: Ragnarok, spoilers for the movie may pop up, so consider yourself warned. The characters for the movie belong to Marvel not myself, only the original characters for this story are mine.**

* * *

Thor didn't like it. Though he knew his brother had a solitary nature, and going off to be by himself was nothing new, he couldn't help but think worse case scenarios given Heimdall's reports that some of the surviving Asgardians were uneasy regarding Loki's presence among their ranks. The fact that there had been several attempts against Loki's life since they had escaped the destruction of Asgard only fed into his fears.

If something had happened to his brother, Thor vowed that whoever was responsible would pay with their lives.

As he came face to face with one wall of the room, Thor turned on the heel of his boot and started walking back the way he had came. He hated waiting and doing nothing. If Heimdall didn't return soon with some kind of news, Thor planned to disregard the former Bifrost guardian's advice that he stay put and let the guards conduct the search and start looking for Loki himself.

The chime of the door broke through the King of Asgard's thoughts. Stopping the pacing that was getting him nowhere fast, Thor turned toward the door as he called out "come."

The metal door opened and in strode Heimdall, two other Asgardian warriors visible as they stood watch outside Thor's quarters.

"Did you find him?" Thor asked, before the doors had closed behind Heimdall.

"No, My Lord," Heimdall replied, the regret clear in his voice. Though he may personally feel they were better off without Loki around, the former Bifrost guardian ached for his liege's sense of loss. For that reason alone, Heimdall wished he didn't have to bring the news that he had to Thor's attention. Alas, trying to conceal it would accomplish nothing. "We did however, discover that the Commodore is no longer in the launch bay and we found this," he added, holding out the piece of folded paper that was left at the control station of the launch bay.

With a sinking feeling, Thor reached out and took the paper from Heimdall. He had a feeling he already knew what message the paper held as he took in the one word on the outside of the folded paper. The way his name had been written, Thor had known doubt that the left missive was from Loki.

"Leave me," Thor ordered, having no desire for an audience right then.

"Yes, My Lord," Heimdall replied, With only a perfunctory bow, he backed out of the room, leaving Thor alone.

Looking down at his name on the pale paper, Thor absently found the room's couch and sat down. The last thing he wanted to do was to unfold the paper and read Loki's good-bye. He had thought he had gotten his little brother back again. Thought that this time, his brother would stay at his side where he belonged.

Once again, Loki had felt compelled to go his own way, with only a piece of paper to explain his actions.

Slowly, Thor opened the piece of paper, his eyes having trouble focusing on the neat and stylized handwriting of his brother.

 _Brother,_

 _I have no doubt that by now you have your guards searching the ship for me. They will not find me as I plan on taking the Commodore and setting out on my own. This is not an action I take on a whim, but one which I have been contemplating since we set out on a journey for Earth. As you have admitted yourself, taking me back to Earth is not a good idea. My presence will only cause trouble for our people and the survivors of Asgard have suffered enough, some of it my own doing. I didn't help save them to bring more hardship down upon them._

 _I ask that you do not continue to look for me. Go on to Earth as you planned. Lead our people in establishing a new home, one that both father and mother would be proud to have left as their legacy. You are the leader that they need now, and our people need their leader to not be burdened with personal quests. Rest assure, I will be okay on my own. I have my own journey to take, one which I hope will allow me to become a brother that you truly can be proud of, Perhaps the next time our paths cross, you will truly be able to trust me._

 _I do not plan to lose track of you or our people, Brother, and if you should ever truly need my assistance, believe me I will know. If the need should arise, and it is in my power to do so, I will be at your side once more._

 _Till our paths cross again,_

 _Loki Odinson_

The signature brought a smile to Thor's face. Since finding out his true heritage, Loki had claimed and disavowed allegiance to the royal family of Asgard as the situation suited him. Thor couldn't really blame him, given the way he had found out the truth. More than once, he had wondered if things had turned out differently if Odin had been truthful about Loki's parentage at an earlier time. Finding out the way Loki had must have been a terrible shock, even more so than the shock he had received upon finding out he wasn't actually Odin's first born and that he had an older sister.

 _~I wonder what other secrets Odin took to Valhalla with him, ~_ Odin mused as he continued to look down at the farewell from his brother.

If Odin did or did not, Thor knew that he would probably never find out. Any clues to those secrets had probably been destroyed in the fiery destruction of Asgard. Given the power of the last two secrets that had gotten out Thor wondered if that wasn't for the best.

With a sigh, Thor cast the note to the side. He had thought he and Loki had been doing well at patching their relationship. As of late, he had felt closer to his brother now than he had in a long time. He had thought Loki was finding a place among their people once more.

Apparently, Loki thought differently. Though perhaps that shouldn't be a surprise to him. Loki had often looked at things differently than most people.

As much as he wanted to go after Loki, and talk some reason into him, Thor knew that wouldn't be in anybody's best interest. His first responsibility was to the survivors of Asgard. He needed to find them a new home and get them settled. Besides, his brother wouldn't be easy to find unless he wanted to be found, which from the words he had written was clearly not the case. Loki clearly felt that he had some soul searching he must do on his own, and Thor hoped that his brother would finally find the peace that he was searching for.

"Safe journeys, Brother. May you find the answers that you seek and return home to us when you do," Thor said softly, knowing that for now his prayers were the only way in which he could help keep Loki safe.

Getting to his feet, Thor crossed to the door. As it opened, he was not surprised to find Heimdall patiently waiting against the wall across from the corridor.

"You can call off the search Heimdall," Thor instructed, knowing that there was no need to call the guard into the room to give his orders in private. Loki's absence among them would be noticed soon enough on its own anyway. "Loki has chosen to strike out on his own, and I have elected to honor his wishes that we not try to find him."

"Of course, My Lord," Heimdall replied, with a touch of regret in his voice. Thor knew that the guardian's feelings of regret were not personal but were from empathy for himself. There had never been any love lost between Loki and Heimdall.

With the orders given, Thor stepped back into his quarters and let the door close behind him. It was only within these walls that he had any privacy these days and right now, privacy was what he needed the most.

* * *

177A Bleecker Street.

Loki looked up at the house with mixed feelings. He knew he wouldn't be welcomed here. He was probably the last being the inhabitants of this planet wanted to see. However, the Asgardian Prince knew that if he didn't come here, then the occupant of this place would come seeking him out if he remained on Earth and remaining on Earth was exactly what he planed on doing.

No, it probably wasn't the wisest choice he could've made. Steering clear of the planet was probably in his best interests. However, there was no way he could make atonement for his past actions if he took that course. Doing just that was important to him, though he hadn't exactly been able to put into words, even to himself, exactly why that was. Yet, that was exactly the journey that he felt he must partake on, and it was one that circumstances dictated must start here.

With an air of confidence that he didn't really feel, The God of Mischief started up the walkway to the front door. Reaching the door, he reached out and pressed the button, unsure of what would happen next.

It didn't take long for the door to be opened by the same man who had sent the two brothers to where their father was right before Odin's death. As expected, the man didn't seem at all happy to see Loki standing on his doorstep.

"Dr. Stephen Strange, I presume," Loki ventured, breaking the silence that remained between the two men as they sized one another up.

"You presume correctly," Strange replied, in a cool aloof tone. "I knew you were on Earth but I've got to admit, I didn't expect to find you on my doorstep."

"I thought I'd save you the trouble of creating a doorway for me this time," Loki replied. Remembering the article he had picked up specifically for this occasion, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a white handkerchief. "I come in peace, I believe is the correct local term for this occasion," the God of Mischief said, waving the piece of fabric in front of him.

Dr. Strange hid his amusement as the gesture as he replied, "It's an old custom but it'll at least get you an invitation through the front door instead of a portal," the former surgeon said, stepping aside to allow Loki entrance into the New York Sanctum.

"I thank-you for your hospitality," Loki replied, stepping through the front door of 177A Bleecker Street.

The Asgardian Prince had only taken a couple of steps when he heard the door shut behind him with a bang. He hoped his guest didn't notice the slight jump at the sound, even as he looked around the entryway of the place.

"Nice place you have here," Loki offered as he turned back to face his host.

Dr. Stephen Strange stood right in front of the closed door, arms crossed in front of him, staring down his guest.

~ _Not the picture of a welcoming host at all,_ ~ Loki thought, wisely keeping the comment to himself.

"Let's just forego the pleasantries and get down to business," Strange replied. "Why are you back on Earth? Did falling for a half hour during your last visit not get through to you how little you are wanted here?"

"Not the most hospitable welcome, to be sure, but not totally unwarranted."

"Yet you're back."

"Yes, I'm back. I'm back because I have a desire to make up for past . . ." Loki paused as he thought of the best word to use in this situation. Crimes sounded a bit too harsh to his ears, while he was sure mistakes would sound much too trivial to Strange's ears. ". . . atrocities. Seems to me that New York City is as good a place to start as any."

Loki wasn't sure what reaction he expected from Strange, but the one he got was definitely not at all what he expected. The former neuro surgeon actually laughed at Loki's proclamation, and needed several moments to compose himself.

"I'm sorry that was rude of me," Strange replied when he had finally stopped laughing. "However, given your failed attempt of conquering this world, I'm sure you can understand my skepticism. Though, I guess the first question I would like answered is what could have possibly brought about this radical change?"

"Ragnarok," Loki replied, his gaze holding Strange's as he spoke. "I watched, no that's not quite right, I helped bring about the destruction of my own world to save those who had survived the Goddess of Death's brief reign of Asgard. It was the only way to stop her and protect the other nine realms."

"So you're telling me Asgard has been destroyed?" Strange asked, not sure if he believed what the trickster was saying but not sure it was safe to completely disregard the tale as false either.

"Asgard is nothing more than space debris at this point," Loki replied, a slight catch to his voice.

Dr. Strange didn't miss the uncharacteristic emotion in the alien being's voice. That alone led a bit of credulence to his words.

"Thor is the new king of Asgard. He and the survivors of Asgard are on a ship bound for Earth, as my brother hopes to find a place that our people will be welcomed and settle here on Earth. Though my brother hoped I would remain at his side, I feared that my presence among them would only cause trouble among your people. They have been through enough and I wanted to spare them at least that."

"And yet, here you are, on my doorstep," Strange commented, trying to bury the part of him that wanted to take Loki at his word. He knew the story would have to be corroborated, the easiest way of being able to do that being finding a way to get in touch with Thor. Until then, he planned on taking anything Loki said with a lot of skepticism.

"I don't wish to remain in exile from my people, even a self-exile, indefinitely. However, I need to prove that I've really changed my ways before I'll truly be accepted, even there. That's what I hope to accomplish here on Earth, if you'll let. However, if you order me to leave this planet and not come back, I will of course abide by your demands."

Dr. Strange left his post by the door and started pacing as he contemplated Loki's words. Thor had done quite a bit for the people of Earth in the past and Strange had felt a connection to Odin in the former Asgardian King's brief time on the planet. He didn't want to risk offending the new Asgardian King by turning his brother away without given him a chance, especially when Loki had been up-front about his arrival on the planet.

Stopping in front of Loki, Strange once again met the God of Mischief eye to eye. "I'm willing to give you a chance to prove that what you said here today is the truth but rest assured you will be closely watched. You put so much as a toe out of line and you will be falling through time and space for an eternity, I promise you."

"I understand," Loki replied, not at all relishing the thought. The half-hour had seemed like an eternity itself.

"I also intend to make contact with Thor and verify the information you have given me."

"A wise course of action," Loki admitted, not at all offended by not being completely trusted. He knew he had a long way to go before he'd gain anyone's confidence. "I only ask that you not tell him you spoke to me or where I am."

"Are you hiding from him?"

"In a way, yes. If my brother knew where I was at, he would come and try to convince me that my place is with our people, when right now it is not. When I go back, I want it to be on my own terms."

Dr. Strange nodded. "Very well. No, mention of you will be made when I make contact with Thor," the sorcerer promised. Stepping aside, he made a sweeping gesture toward the door. "You're free to leave but remember, we'll have eyes on you."

Loki nodded before stepping forward to let himself out the door. As he walked away from 177A Bleecker Street, he was relieved to be putting the place behind him even though he had no clue as to what his next steps would be.


	2. New Job

**Two Months Later:**

It was a typical middle of the week evening at the Lucky Horseshoe. Wednesday's were never their busiest days, but there was always a decent crowd at the popular bar. Most of the patrons were all ones that Loki had come to recognize and know by name in the short time he had been working at the Lucky Horshoe.

When Loki had first walked through the doors of the New York City bar, he hadn't been sure what to expect. His job search hadn't been going well, as no one seemed to want to take a chance on a newcomer who couldn't produce a work history. Still, he hadn't been ready to give up on his plan to give something back to the people of Earth, the people of this city. To do that, first he had needed a way to support himself and put a roof over his own head - an honest way. The hiring sign in the bar's front window seemed to call to him, even as he braced himself to hear what he had heard so many times before.

To Loki's surprise, he hadn't been turned away at his admission that he couldn't produce references or a work history. Whether it was the bar's name that brought about his good fortune, or the fact that the owner of the bar was desperate to fill the vacant position quick, Loki wasn't about to question. No matter what the cause was, the end result was the same - he had a job to provide a source of income - even if it was contingent on him being a fast learner.

Two months later, the Asgardian Prince was still working at the Lucky Horshoe. To his surprise he was actually enjoying it. The job provided more than just and income, it provided him with an opportunity to interact with other people. He made connections with people every night, even if it was just and hour or two, that didn't require any personal risk on his part. Unsurprisingly, he found he was able to easily get the patrons who came into the Lucky Horshoe and sat at the bar to feel at ease with him and tell him their troubles. Given advice to practical strangers came naturally to himself, for as Frigga had pointed out he had always been perceptive about everyone but himself.

Glancing over at a new patron approaching the bar as he hung the newly cleaned glasses back in their rack, Loki stifled a groan. The new arrival was dressed casually but in a way that spoke of his wealth. He was also the last person the Asgardian wanted to see, even if his presence wasn't totally unexpected. Still, the man was a customer, and so putting on what he hoped at least appeared as a genuine smile, Loki approached the man as he settled onto a stool well away from other patrons.

"So, what can I get you?" Loki asked, coming to a stop in front of the man. Only the bar itself separated the two of them.

"Hey there, Reindeer Games," Stark replied casually, as if the two were old friends.

"Must you persist with that stupid nickname?"

"Yes, I must. Especially as I keep calling your brother Pointbreak. It's amazing how easy it is to annoy you Asgardians."

"I always figured you liked things easy," Loki quipped back slyly

"Aren't you supposed to be nice to the customers?" Stark asked, realizing that once again he was losing in the war of words with the Asgardian.

"We both know you're not a typical customer, and wouldn't be here partaking in the repartee if you hadn't drawn babysitting duty. So if you want to make this show look convincing, what can I get you?"

"How about a Jack and Coke. I don't think you can mess that one up."

"I can if I try," Loki replied a menacing hint in his tone even as he kept the smile upon his face for the benefit of whoever might be looking their way. Before Stark had a chance to respond, Loki turned his back on the eccentric billionaire to prepare the drink.

Although he certainly hoped he had given Stark reason to wonder what he might do to the ordered drink, Loki had no inclination of doing anything wrong. Not only was he worried that the billionaire might make a stink about it to give him trouble, he also had something to prove. Sure, he wanted to show Stark that he had indeed learned the job he had taken but more than that, he wanted to prove to Stark, Strange and the rest of his brother's hero friends, that he really was trying to change his ways.

Finishing the drink, Loki turned back to Stark and placed the drink in front of him. "You know, I really prefer when Barton pulls babysitting duty. At least the archer keeps his distance and I can pretend he isn't there."

"You know there's a reason Barton keeps his distance," Stark said, as he picked up the glass and took a sip of the drink. "He doesn't trust you," the billionaire added, as he noted the balance of whiskey to cola in the drink was just right.

Loki laughed at that comment. "There are quite a few people who fall into that category, present company included. And yet, here you sit, even accepting a drink from me."

"You're not going to poison me in broad daylight," Stark replied with confidence. "It's not your style. Besides, I live by the motto 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'. You definitely fall into the second category."

"Fair enough," Loki replied. In fact, he wondered if he could ever do enough to change his brother's companions' opinion of him -especially Barton. His previous encounter with the archer had definitely left some bad blood between them.

Feeling that he had exchanged words with Stark for long enough for now, Loki excused himself on the pretense of checking on his other customers. The brief conversations with the bar's other patrons were definitely less taxing than his exchange with Stark had been. As much as he would like to totally ignore the billionaire for the rest of the evening, the fact that Stark had placed himself at the bar instead of one of the tables as the others tended to do, made that impossible.

However, Loki planned on putting off his return as long as possible. Casting brief glances in Stark's direction periodically, Loki kept an eye on the level of liquid in his glass, knowing that when the container was empty he would have to return. During one of these glances, Loki took notice of the arrival of another patron who, although was in the Lucky Horshoe often, he crossed paths with more often at a nearby Soup Kitchen where they both volunteered at several times a week.

Loki only knew her first name - Cassandra. As she usually was when she came to the bar, Cassandra was in the company of a man dressed in business casual attire. As he had found out from discreet questioning of other volunteers at the Soup Kitchen that Cassandra was a Personal Assistant to some big time business man, the Asgardian assumed that was whom she was accompanying given the interaction between the two of them.

Not wanting to be caught staring, Loki quickly looked away as the two made their way to their usual table in the corner. As he did, he found that Stark had been watching him closely. Feeling even more uncomfortable under the billionaire's stare, Loki strolled to the end of the bar farthest from Stark, wanting to put some distance between them.

Only when Stark had taken the last sip of his beverage, did Loki finally approach the eccentric billionaire again.

"Can I get you another one?" Loki asked, even as he cleared the empty glass from the bar.

"Just a cola this time," Stark replied, "I am on babysitting duty, after all."

Loki nodded and filled Stark's order. He placed the soft drink in front of the billionaire with the plan to make a quick getaway, even if it did come off as rude. However, just as he was placing the drink down, help came in the form of a co-worker.

"Loki, can you help me hang this, please," asked Michelle, the bar's assistant manager who had been spending the day decorating the bar for Christmas.

Thankful for the opportunity to avoid another verbal sparring match with Stark, Loki quickly headed in Michelle's direction. The assistant manager was standing in front of the jukebox, which had already been festooned with silver garland. Though she had the step ladder out, Michelle found she was still too short to hang the bundle of mistletoe that she held in one hand.

"The hook is still up there from previous years," Michelle began, as Loki approached her. "Unfortunately, the person who put it up there was clearly taller than me."

"That is easily remedied," Loki replied easily, taking the mistletoe from the assistant manager. Climbing the step ladder, he quickly had the mistletoe hanging from the hook. "There you go," he finished as he climbed back down from the step ladder.

"Thank-you," Michelle said, even as she stood up on her tippy toes and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.

"I didn't realize doing you a favor would get me a kiss."

"It won't," Michelle replied. "Hanging the mistle toe for me got you the thank-you. The fact that we are now standing under the mistletoe got you the kiss. Tradition is one thing I don't mess with," she explained before picking up the step ladder and moving on to her next task.

Wearing an amused smile, Loki headed back to the bar and his customers.


	3. Acts of Kindness

_AN: Had intended to get this chapter up much sooner than this but real life had other things in store for me. Hope you all enjoy this update. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!_

* * *

As time goes by things change. The Lucky Horseshoe was no exception to this and as Loki's shift progress changes took place both inside and outside the bar. With the fading of the daylight, lights came on outside the windows. Both streetlights and Christmas lights lit up the street outside, sparkling off the thin coat of snow that still blanketed parts of the city. Inside the bar, Michelle had finished working her holiday magic, and it was just as festive inside as out. There was now even a Christmas tree standing in the corner, which all the employees had helped decorate in between serving customers.

For the most part, Loki's customers had changed too - the early afternoon crowd giving way to the post workday crowd. Whether alone, or with a buddy or two, these were the guys looking to have a drink or two to help unwind after a stressful day at work before heading home to whatever waited for them there. Though for the most part he didn't know much about these customers' home life, Loki knew what each and every one of his regulars did for a living, having listened to each of their tales of horrible workdays when they needed a chance to vent.

Even Cassandra had changed positions. The guy she had come in with had met with someone else and then left the bar. Choosing to stay at the Lucky Horshoe and eat, Cassandra had moved to a smaller table in a corner, her dinner now in front of her as she read from a paperback book she had pulled from her purse.

The only hold out to the change was Stark. The eccentric billionaire still occupied the same barstool, the glass in front of him bubbling slowly as Stark did something on his smartphone while unobtrusively watching Loki. By this time though, the Asgardian Prince had become an expert at pretending his babysitters weren't there.

The jingle of bells placed above the door by Michelle while decorating announced the arrival of more patrons. Instinctively looking toward the sound, Loki, and most of the current occupants of the bar, took in the new arrivals. There was a woman and two little kids. Although the kids wore winter coats, albeit too big for them, and gloves, the woman did not. All of their apparel showed the wear of age, and their thin faces were ruddy from the cold where they weren't smudged with dirt. The forlorn trio stood huddled just inside the front door, looking out of place and desperate to be accepted.

As luck would have it, the bar's owner, Ted Roberts, had been making his way around the tables, greeting and chatting with his patrons. Spotting the trio at the door, he headed in their direction. As Mr. Roberts wasn't exactly known for acts of charity, Loki knew the owner was about to get rid of the trio as discreetly as possible.

Excusing himself from the customer he had just served a drink to and had been engaging in polite conversation, Loki started for the group gathering by the door, as Michelle had joined Mr. Roberts as well. He wasn't sure what the situation was, or what, if anything, he could do, but seeing the trio had brought up memories of seeing the scared faces on the Bifrost bridge. Women, children and even young me looking for some spark of hope in the wake of Hela's tyranny. He had been able to be that hope on that day, and if there was some way he intended to repeat that action.

"Please, sir," the woman was pleading as Loki got into earshot. "Just for the children. We haven't had anything to eat all day."

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Mr. Roberts replied gruffly. Loki thought the bar owner sounded more annoyed than sorry. "If I give you something, then I'll have others expecting the same for themselves and I can't run a business by giving stuff away. Perhaps one of the shelters . . . "

"The shelters are all full."

"I'm sorry ma'am, but if you can't pay then I need to ask you to leave."

The woman let out a long sigh, her eyes bright with tears that she was trying to hold back. She placed a hand on each child's shoulder as Loki spoke up.

"How about if I pay for their meal?" Loki interjected, letting the others know that he had joined the small group. Unlike Mr. Roberts, he didn't bother keeping his voice low, intending for the customers nearest them to overhear his words as it would give the bar owner more reason to say yes.

Ted Roberts glanced over his shoulder at his newest bartender. He was not at all happy with the offer. Loki could see it in his eyes. However, the Asgardian Prince didn't care. He wanted to do something to help this mother and her children that looked in need of more than just food just as he hoped his people hadn't been turned away in their search for a place to settle here on Earth. More than once, he had considered asking one of the Avengers for news of his brother and their people, but something always held him back.

"If that's how you wish to spend your money, then fine," Mr. Roberts said gruffly before turning and heading toward the back of the bar and presumably his office.

"There's a free table right over here," Michelle said in the wake of the bar owner's abrupt disappearance. The assistant manager place a gentle hand on the woman's shoulder as she guided her toward a table that was close to one of the room's vents, which would allow the trio to warm up while they had their meal. "Why don't you grab them some menus," she added, the words directed toward Loki.

With a nod, Loki turned and did as asked. After collecting a couple of menus, Loki approached the table the woman and children had been directed to.

"I'll be right back with the water," Michelle was saying as he walked up to the table.

"Order whatever you would like," Loki said, as he handed the menus to the woman. Given her reluctance demeanor of even asking for food in the first place, he didn't fear that his generosity would be taken advantage of by the woman.

"I thank-you, sir," the woman said as she took the menus from him. "I hope I'm not causing you any problems with your boss," she added, casting a fearful glance at the door that Mr. Roberts had disappeared through.

"Don't worry about it," Loki assured her, not concerned about Mr. Roberts giving him any trouble over the offer. Despite the gruffness, the bar owner did have a soft streak, just not when it came to business. "I do however have to get back to my customers at the bar," he added. "Enjoy your meal."

"Thank-you again," she said, the words this time softly echoed by the two children.

"You're welcome," Loki told them before turning to head back to the bar.

Walking behind the bar, the first thing Loki noticed was that Stark had finally taken his leave, an empty glass sitting on the bar where the billionaire had been seated. Glancing around the bar, it didn't take Loki long to spot Dr. Strange sitting at a table that gave him an easy view of the bar. The changing of the guard had once again taken place, and Loki was relieved. The last thing he wanted to do was try to explain or defend what he had just done to Stark.

Refilling a couple of glasses, Loki eventually made his way to where Stark had been seated. Picking up the money that had been placed under the empty glass to cover the bill, Loki was surprised to find that it included quite a generous tip this time around. Writing on the napkin next to the glass drew his attention. Reaching down, he turned the napkin so that he could read the short note left.

 _Still not sure what your angle is Reindeer Games but one good turn deserves another. We'll still be watching._

Loki smiled. He didn't expect Stark to trust him anytime soon, but at least the guy seemed to be willing to hold off judgement of him for a little while at least. As he headed toward the register to close Stark's tab, Loki glanced toward the table where the mother and children had been seated. Michelle had returned with the promised glasses of water but she wasn't the only person standing at the table. Cassandra had found her way over to the trio and Loki watched as she handed the mother her own coat. The woman seemed reluctant to accept the gift, but in the end must have been persuaded as Cassandra headed back to her own dinner without the coat.


	4. Unfamiliar Emotions

Loki usually took his time leaving the Lucky Horseshoe when his shift was over. After all, it wasn't like he had anything pressing to get to. His life these days consisted of his work at the Lucky Horseshoe and the volunteer time that he put in at the soup kitchen. Hardly the glamourous life he had once led, but there was something satisfying about it. His social interactions were limited as well as they consisted of the short interactions with customers, coworkers, and the snarky exchanges with Stark. Hardly a healthy social life but it was about what he expected. The library of Midguard literature he was collecting in his apartment was the only thing waiting for him at home, so normally there was no rush to get there.

Tonight was different though. Cassandra had only just left the Lucky Horshoe on foot, as she hadn't bothered to hail a cab outside. Even if she was using the subway, the closest station was a five block walk itself and it was much too cold tonight for her to be walking without the coat she had given to the woman, whom Loki had discovered her name was Ellen Chambers. If he hurried, he'd be able to catch up with her and give her his own coat as even the cold of a New York winter could not compare to the cold of Jotunheim.

And it was also the perfect excuse to strike up a conversation with her which he had been aching to do. Loki wasn't sure what it was, but though they had only exchanged a few words at the soup kitchen, there was something about her that was drawing him to her. More than once, he had wondered if this was how Thor had felt when he had met Jane. He had even caught himself wishing he could discuss the matter with his brother, much like they had shared things when they were younger.

But that wasn't the type of relationship they had these days and most likely would never share again.

Once again though, he pushed all thoughts of his brother out of his mind, as he grabbed his coat from his locker and left the employee lounge. Hurrying out a side entrance of the bar, Loki hurried up the alley to the main street, his boots leaving prints in the light dusting of fresh snow that was falling. Reaching the street, he took a left to follow Cassandra. He had only gone a few hurried steps when he spotted her up ahead, head bowed against the icy wind that blew. Even though she was walking at a brisk place, it didn't take long for Loki's long strides to close the distance between them.

"It's a bit cold to be out here without a coat, don't you think," Loki said easily as he slipped his coat over Cassandra's shoulders as he fell instep beside her.

Instinctively uncrossing her arms, and reaching up to pull the coat closed around her, Cassandra glanced over at her benefactor. She instantly recognized him from both their volunteer work and as the bartender who had helped out the same family she had.

"Well, someone needed my coat more than I did, especially as I have others at home," Cassandra replied.

"None of which are doing you any good right now," Loki commented.

"True enough," Cassandra admitted. "Still, it's a bit hard to complain about one cold walk home knowing that Ellen will be a bit warmer tonight. Speaking of which, you sure you don't want your coat back. I've at least got a hat and gloves on," she commented, looking over at Loki.

Loki shook his head. "You keep it for now. The cold doesn't really bother me."

Cassandra wasn't really sure if she believed him or not, but was thankful for the coat now around her shoulders. "Well, thank-you," she said in acceptance of the gift of warmth. Though her walk home wouldn't take her more than twenty minutes, she still much rather make that walk with a coat than without. "You're not going out of your way by walking me home are you?" Cassandra asked. She had noticed that part of their walks coincided when leaving the soup kitchen though she didn't know exactly where her fellow volunteer lived.

"A bit," Loki admitted. "But it's not a problem. There's nothing pressing at home that I need to get to and the current company is pleasant."

Despite the cold night, Cassandra felt the heat rise in her cheeks at the simple praise. Hoping that the reaction would go unnoticed by her companion, she looked straight ahead as the snowflakes continued to drift down around them. "So I told you my reason behind helping Ellen and her family. It seems only right that you tell me yours in return," she commented, just trying to strike up a conversation.

"It wasn't anything special. I'm sure quite a few people would have done the same thing in my position," Loki said, trying to make light of it.

"Perhaps, and yet you were the first one to offer to pay for their meal, even though your boss didn't appear willing to help out."

"Well, he does have a business to run, which is understandably his first priority."

"He's a business owner. That means he's in more of a position to help people out than most but he didn't and you did."

"Maybe he doesn't feel like he's got anything in his past that he needs to make atonement for."

"And you do?"

"There is plenty in my past that I need to make atonement for," Loki replied, his voice taking on a grave tone though he did not intend to give away his feelings in such a matter. "So much that I doubt I will ever be able to accomplish the task."

Cassandra looked over at her walking companion trying to read in his expression what he wasn't saying. However, though his voice had changed tone, her companion's face was void of emotion. She found herself wondering what kind of past her fellow volunteer was running from. What had he been doing before he had walked into the soup kitchen she had been volunteering at since high school? Not that any of them weren't thankful for his help. Giving the constant, seemingly never ending need of resources, the regulars at the soup kitchen were thankful for any help that came their way and for whatever reason.

"Well, my older brother use to say that 'even if you can't make up for the past, the thing that's really important is what you do with today and all the days after'," Cassandra replied, a wistful tone of her own. She missed her brother more than she could ever put into words.

"Sounds like very good advice," Loki replied.

"What about you? Any family?"

"I have an adopted brother, though he doesn't live anywhere around here and our relationship is a bit complicated."

Cassandra laughed lightly. "That's the way with most siblings," she said. "Given the way we fought growing up, you wouldn't think my brothers and I would want anything to do with each other when we grew up. Turns out, we were the best of friends."

"Were?"

"My older brother was a cop for the city. He was killed a few years ago during the alien invasion."

"I'm sorry," Loki replied, feeling as if he was watching Asgard crumble before his eyes once again. Though she didn't realize who he was now, Loki had no doubt that when she did, even the simple offer of a coat during the snow would be rebuked.

"Thank-you," Cassandra replied, almost by reflex, though she was past the deep pain of her older brother's death. Yes, she still missed him but he had died doing the job he had come to love. Despite the heart ache he had caused their parents growing up, she knew they would have been proud of him. "It's starting to seem like it all happened a long time ago, now though, even though I know it's only been a few years. I will admit though, this time of year the loss gets a bit more real, giving that we always spent the holidays together. My younger brother and I still carry on the tradition but it isn't quite the same," Cassandra paused there, blushing as she realized what she was saying to someone that she barely knew. Still there was something about her companion that made him seem easy to talk to.

"I'm sorry. That's probably more information than you really wanted."

"It's fine," Loki assured her. "I am the one who brought it up, and if it helps to talk about him then I'm willing to listen. Don't you know that's one of the criteria of a bartender - lend a listening ear to your customers."

Cassandra let out a small laugh at that. "Then that must be one part of your job that you're good at. Do you enjoy what you do?" she asked, deciding to steer the conversation away from the awkward feeling topic it had come to.

Loki opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out as he realized he wasn't sure what to say. It was a question he had never been asked before, having grown up with expectations, perceived or real, heaped upon his shoulder. Life wasn't about doing what you enjoyed but what was expected of you or, once his stubborn and jealous streaks had awakened, what he thought was necessary. He had never once in his life stopped to reflect whether he enjoyed what he was doing.

Had he enjoyed trying to disrupt Thor's coronation and create chaos on Asgard? No, but he had felt it was the only way he could escape the shadow that Thor cast upon them in their father's eyes, but he hadn't even accomplished that. Had he enjoyed controlling minds with the tesseract? If he was honest with himself, he hadn't though it had given him a sense of power. The same sense of power he had felt leading the Chitauri army. Still, there hadn't been any joy, just a unfulfilled need to do something to make a name for himself separate from Thor. He had certainly accomplished that, but he wasn't sure it was the name he truly had wanted, not that his pride would ever allow him to admit that.

"I didn't realize it was such a hard question?"

Cassandra's voice had a slight lilt to it, as her question drew Loki from his thoughts, making him realize that the pause had gone on long enough to be quite noticeable.

"It probably shouldn't be," Loki admitted, a small smile gracing his lips as he looked toward his companion. "However, it's something that I never really stopped to consider before. When I took it, I was simply looking for a job so I could stay here in New York. I would have taken just about any job offered to me."

"And now?" Cassandra asked, her gaze meeting his with a frankness that Loki had experienced in a long time.

Loki turned his eyes forward as they continued down the city street. "Now, I do believe I'd miss working at the Lucky Horshoe if it wasn't a regular part of my life. My co-workers have accepted me, even if we're not close, and I enjoy the interactions with my customers. I'd like to even think that I'm helping them out by offering a listening ear or a bit of advice when needed."

Cassandra nodded. "It's always more pleasant when you job gives you some kind of fulfillment." She was quiet for a few moments as she took in their surroundings. "My apartment building is just up here on the left," she commented, surprised at how quickly the walk had seem to go with having someone to talk to.

The two walked in silence, until they reached the steps of her apartment building. Cassandra went up a couple before turning to look back at her companion, the extra height allowing her to meet Loki's gaze without looking up. "Thanks for the loan of the coat," she told him as she slipped out of it, and handed it back to him.

"You're welcome," Loki replied, actually feeling the emotion those two words were suppose to convey rather than just speaking them as a courtesy. Reaching out he took the coat from her. Part of him wanted to ask her out for dinner or something, as he felt a longing to get to know her better but he held back. What chance would he have of her actually accepting an invitation from him. He didn't hold any special status here on Earth like he did on Asgard, except maybe war criminal from those who realized exactly who he was. Perhaps it was just best to let things stay as they were between them, especially considering her brother.

"I should probably head in," Cassandra said, when Loki said nothing else. "Goodnight," she added, as she started slowly up the steps of her apartment building.

"Goodnight," Loki replied, as he stood at the foot of the steps, slipping an arm into his coat. "Perhaps we could share another walk the next time we're both at the soup kitchen," he suggested, unable to let go of the feeling that he needed to see her again.

"I'd like that," Cassandra replied, a smile lighting up her face as she reached the front door of her apartment building. Pulling out her key card to gain entrance to the building, she gave a final wave toward Loki before disappearing inside.

Zipping up his coat, Loki stood staring at the door that Cassandra had disappeared through trying to figure out the emotions that were swirling inside him.


	5. The Walk Home

AN: I know it's been awhile but I thought I'd return to this story for the holidays. As this story was started before Infinity War came out, I'm not necessarily staying with the events of that movie.

* * *

Walking into her apartment, Cassandra Zell pushed the door shut behind her and then leaned back against it. She couldn't decide if she was relieved or disappointed that he hadn't asked her out on a date, though she had a feeling she would probably have said no. After all, she wasn't even totally sure of his name, as somehow exchanging names had been bypassed during the course of their conversation. Even without that reason though there was still the memory of Brad to contend with. Even ten years later, she wasn't sure if she was ready to let herself become involved with someone else.

Yet she couldn't deny to even herself that she had been attracted to the bartender. She had been even before tonight, though she had never found the courage to approach him. She had considered it several times while they were both putting in hours at the soup kitchen, but had never actually put that thought into action.

Pushing away from the door, she hurried toward the living room window which looked down on the street below. Cassandra didn't actually expect to catch a glimpse of him, given how much time had passed, but as she pushed the curtain aside, she saw that he was just crossing the street. The fact that he had lingered outside even after she had disappeared inside, told Cassandra that she wasn't the only one who had felt something during their brief encounter tonight.

Staying at the window, Cassandra watched him walk down the street, wondering if he really would follow through with another escort home. She hoped he would just like she hoped that another shared walk would lead to a more traditional date.

Watching him disappear around a corner, she could feel the heat rise in her cheeks at the realization. It was a ridiculous situation to be in, and she was sure her best friend would laugh if she tried to tell her about the evening, as well she should. How do you start falling for a guy and not even find out his name? That only happened in love at first sight situations that were only meant for the movies or books, not real life.

No, for now she would keep quiet about her walk home tonight. There was no need to share it. After all, sharing it would only add credence to the feelings that were fluttering around inside of her right now, and she wasn't ready to do that.

Movement brought her focus away from her thoughts and back to the city scape outside her apartment. The movement was second solitary figure who was walking along the sidewalk toward the intersection of the street her escort had just walked down. The man was tall, with short hair, and a long dark coat. Though he walked with his head slightly down in a stride that was meant to appear casual, Cassandra got the feeling that the man wasn't just out for a casual winter stroll. Though she wouldn't have been able to say what it was, something about the man told her that he was out in the city, on this street, for a reason.

~ _Maybe I listened to Bobby's lectures more than I realized_ , ~ Cassandra thought as she continued to watch the man through the pane of glass. Her older brother had lectured her on numerous times about how to be aware of her surroundings and what kind of behaviors to watch out for. At the time, she had smiled politely while humoring him but hadn't really taken his advice as seriously as she should have. After all, she had grown up in the city and though she was aware of the dangers, they had never felt close. It was always someone else those things happened to.

The alien attack on the city had been quite a wake up call to her. Although she hadn't been in any immediate personal danger that day, her apartment building well away from Stark Tower, it had still been too close for her liking. Her brother hadn't been the only one to die that day whom she had known personally. There had been her brother's co-workers whom she had met on more than one occasion. There had been names in the casualty lists whom she had met while working. Even one of her friends had been lost, killed when one of the aliens had sent her car tumbling down the city street she had been traveling on. She had even remembered seeing names of people she had gone to high school with whose lives had taken them in a different direction than her own after graduation.

Seeing those names in the news had been a surreal feeling. For the first time, the bad stuff in the news wasn't just happening to 'other people'.

As she watched the solitary figure turn down the same street that the bartender had taken, Cassandra couldn't help but wonder if the man was following the bartender or herself. Had he been behind them ever since they had left the Lucky Horshoe? Had he been in the bar itself?

"You're being ridiculous," she said out loud, trying to convince herself that those words were true.

Letting the curtain fall back in place, Cassandra turned away from the window and headed toward the apartment's small kitchen. Some hot chocolate would be comforting right now, as well as help her chase the chill of the winter day away. Though she was determined not to go borrowing trouble like her father had always taught them, she also knew that she would be looking for the mysterious man while she was out the next day. Best a case scenario was that she never saw him again but if he did keep crossing her path, she intended to find out why.

* * *

Reaching his own apartment building, Loki took the stone steps leading to the front door two at a time. There was no denying that this had been the best day he had experienced in quite awhile. His talk with Cassandra had lifted the usual cloud of loneliness that seemed to follow him around these days. It had felt good to really connect with another being. It was a feeling he hoped he would experience more in the days to come, though he couldn't help but wonder if he should pursue even a friendship with Cassandra, given what he knew now. He was certain that once she found out who he was, and that he was even indirectly responsible for her brother's death, that she would want nothing to do with him and who could blame her.

Maybe the smart thing to do would be to come clean now. Put all his cards out on the table before things got too complicated.

However, this was the first time since arriving on Earth that he had felt any connection with anyone. Yes, he exchanged words with Dr. Strange and his pals, especially Stark, but Loki knew they were all mistrustful of him, albeit with good reason. Though amusing at times, the short exchanges did little to quell the lonely feelings with him. The same with his customers, though at least with them there was the satisfaction of helping someone in some small way, whether it be with advice or just a listening ear. Then there were his co-workers. Granted, there was a sort of comradery there, but he didn't really interact with them outside of work. Perhaps that would come in the near future, but he was apparently still too much of the new guy to be included in off the clock activities.

No, Loki decided, after the long months of solitude he wasn't going to give up this shot at friendship. He'd deal with the consequences later, when it all blew up in his face, which he had no doubt that it would.

Reaching the front door, Loki pulled out the keycard that would let him into the building. He hesitated, scanning it though as he instead turned to survey the street in the direction he had come. It didn't take him long to spot his current babysitter. Dr. Stephen Strange had stopped a few buildings down and across the street. Earth's wizard was leaning against a wrought iron fence, phone in hand, trying to look casual.

As if he sensed he was being watched, Dr. Strange looked up from the small handheld device. As Loki caught his eye, the God of Mischief smiled and waved to the other man before turning and finally heading into his apartment building, wondering when Stark and his pals would finally tire of keeping him under surveillance.

With a long sigh, Loki admitted to himself that it would probably be quite awhile. In fact, he counted himself lucky that he hadn't been tossed in a prison somewhere, not that Earth's prisons would pose much of a challenge if he really wanted to escape them. Still, after time spent in the Asgardian dungeon, he couldn't deny that this modification of what humans referred to as house arrest was definitely the more appealing option. Let them follow him until his every day, low-key routine grew boring or they were satisfied that he wasn't going to try to enslave the people of New York or something. It was their lives they were wasting, and giving his life span, the life of a human was a mere blink of an eye.

Walking past the elevator, Loki instead heading for the seldom used stairs. Midgard's elevators, especially the small one that serviced this apartment building, held little appeal to him. He'd much rather expend the extra energy taking the five flights of stairs to his apartment on the fifth floor. Though nobody had reported being stuck in the moving box in the short time during which he had lived here, he wasn't risking it.

It wasn't long before Loki reached the fifth floor. Exiting the stairwell, Loki turned right and headed for his apartment, nodding a courtesy greeting to one of his fellow floor mates as the passed. Though he didn't know any of his new neighbors all that well, he had by now figured out which faces belonged to which apartments.

Finally outside of his apartment, Loki quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside. Instinctively, he reached out and flipped on the light even as he pushed the door shut with his foot after removing the small set of keys. Shrugging out of his coat, he hung it on the rack near the door, along with his hat before locking the door. He then dropped the keys onto the small table nearby. His gloves quickly followed the keys as he headed across the livingroom of the apartment to the small kitchen. His plans for tonight included finding something to eat before retiring to the couch to see what form of Midgardian nonsense he could entertain himself with tonight. The one thing he couldn't fault the Earthlings for was the countless options available with which to entertain one self right in your own home.

* * *

Outside, Dr. Stephen Strange watched as the dark-haired Asgardian prince disappeared inside the building. Other than the small wave before entering his apartment building, Loki had given no indication that he had been aware of him all night, which was just fine with Strange. Interacting with the God of Mischief wasn't exactly high on his list of things to do. However, it was his duty to keep Earth safe and although there had been no incidents since Loki had returned to Earth, the Master of the Mystical Arts still wasn't completely satisfied that Loki wouldn't try something as soon as they let their guard down, no matter what some of the others were saying.

Then there was this woman that Loki was with tonight. Dr. Strange was positive that she didn't know exactly who it was she was dealing with. If she did, he was sure the woman would have the good sense to stay away from the God of Mischief. Though Strange's first instinct was to go to her himself, and let her know exactly who it was she was interacting with, something held him back. In the time that they'd had Loki under surveillance, the Asgardian had made no moves that in anyway threatened the citizens of New York. His interactions with his co-workers and customers had been benign while his time spent at the soup kitchen, as well as his actions toward the family in need tonight, had been altruistic. While he couldn't decide if it was a ploy to lure them into a feeling of security or a sign that Loki was indeed turning over a new leaf, one thing Stephen Strange was sure of was that he didn't want to make any hasty moves that would anger the Asgardian. He'd prefer to avoid any fight that he could.

Pushing off the wrought iron fence, Strange headed for the building behind the metal bars he had been leading against. Now that Loki was back at his apartment, most likely for the night, it was time to check in with the former S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that were set up inside the apartment building he was heading into. There were three of them, and they took turn manning the surveillance equipment that kept watch on all the possible exits from Loki's apartment building. Should the God of Mischief leave his building, the former agents would know, and Barton, who had insisted he was more comfortable hanging with his former S.H.I.E.L.D. co-workers rather than Stark Tower or even the house on Bleecker Street, would tail him and let Strange, Stark or Widow know that he was on the move. So far, their system had worked.

Entering the building, Strange quickly covered the distance to the second floor building. Using his key, Strange entered the apartment. He was greeted by the sight of Barton and another agent sitting in front of the computers that were set up on the table.

"Everything still working?" Strange asked.

"All cameras check out," the agent replied. "If the target steps a foot outside the building, we'll know. Of course, if we had rigged surveillance in his apartment like Stark wanted, we'd know more than that."

"We're not bugging the apartment," Barton interjected, taking the stand he had ever since he had been informed what was going on. "Putting a camera in the building's lobby or in the hallway is one thing, but we're not invading the apartment."

"I'm still surprised to hear you take that stand given what Loki did to you in the past," the other agent said, echoing the same thoughts that Strange had harbored himself.

"That's exactly why I'm taking the stand I'm taking. I know what it's like to have your privacy invaded and I'm not going to be responsible for invading someone else's privacy in that way. Not even the likes of him."

"Barton's right," Strange said, not wanting the conversation to deteriorate. They now had their answer and it was one that the former surgeon could not only respect but understand as well. "Keeping an eye on his actions is one thing, bugging his apartment without a very good reason is going too far. For now, we'll just keep tracking his movements when he leaves the apartment."

"We got this," Barton said, speaking for him and the other three agents.

"Good," Strange said. "Widow should be here in time to follow him when he leaves for work tomorrow."

"And if he leaves before she gets here, I'll keep tabs on him."

"Okay then. Let me know if anything out of the ordinary happens," Strange said, turning to leave the apartment.

Walking down to the fire escape, Strange ducked inside the stairwell. He had no intention of walking through the cold night to even the closest subway station and he didn't trust New York City taxi drivers. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, Stephen Strange opened a Portal to his home on Bleecker Street.


End file.
